i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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