Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize