woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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