I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
