Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
