Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
