are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
