Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
