somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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