I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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