I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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