3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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