The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
