just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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