dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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