Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
