Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
