I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
