you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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