I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
