the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
