If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm too high and old for this...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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