I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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