see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
