My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
