weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
