omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
MIDGETS
????
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
