i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize