i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
