around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Randomize
