the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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