I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
