The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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