the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize