I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
