Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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