Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
