you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
