so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize