just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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