i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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