Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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