Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize