i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize