I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
