need another drink. this is the easiest way
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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