So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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