I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
