Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
