I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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