i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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