I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
this is an emotional support booty call
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
