i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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