he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize