On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
