I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
