I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
