if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
