hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
