i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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