You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
