no, he came in my armpit
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
