just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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