He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
