you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
