4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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