Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
