perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
